Introduction
I wrote this booklet because I wanted to share with you my suspicions about the institution of marriage. But before I get too deep into my theory, I want to say that I think that marriage is a wonderful idea. I also think that having family as the basic unit of our society is a brilliant concept, just ingenious. But, just the same, I believe that our world has changed so much in recent decades and people are not participating in the traditional marital arrangement as they did in earlier years. I believe the changes in our world have warranted a change in our approach to marriage. In other words, we need to provide more education about marriage and its usefulness and purpose if we want people to continue to do it. Traditional explanations have not been sufficient to keep couples invested in the institution. I also think that we need to be open to other ways of how people think about being a family. Because people will continue to marry and divorce without having a clue about what would have made the relationship better, and people will continue to form their own families with or without social blessings.
What we should tell people about marriage is that it has served to keep communities functioning a certain way. And there are many people, or should I say certain powers, that think that if people stop getting married the world will fall apart. Well, we know that is not necessarily the case, because just as many people are getting divorced and co-habiting as are getting married and the sky has not fallen and the world has yet to go to hell in a hand-basket. So, what I want to do is tell you an additional truth about marriage so that when you get married, you can do so with your eyes open. This additional truth is sort of like the fine print in the marital contract—stuff that may cause you to change your mind. Then I’m going to give you a to-do list before you get married so that you can be better prepared to stay married if that is what you want to do. This list, more like a “something to think about list” will give you a few more ideas about how to work your relationship with yourself and with your future mate—once you’re married. First though, I’m going to say few things about the history of marriage, the point of marriage and why the “powers” that be are so interested in everyone getting married and staying married.
Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not against marriage; it’s a lovely idea. I just think that we don’t get a clear enough picture of what it’s all about until we’re in it. Then, for many of us it’s too late to get out. And if we do decide that we have to end the marriage, we go through an enormous amount of guilt. Our guilt is usually connected with breaking our promise, not finishing what we started, or letting someone down. My thinking is that if we knew what we were getting into then we wouldn’t be so surprised when things (our mates and our relationships) begin to change. I’m also thinking that what I have to share will help you either decide not to marry or help you decide how you want to be married.
